Wallflower syndrome

I blame myself for always not clear of what I really want in my life, everything can simply come in and out without any reason, objective. I wonder other did. There is something I wanted much but I cant get. There is something I promise to myself but in fact I can’t implement it. Thye reminds me that girl talk the other way with their will. I meant my word, but I think I know well why I wanted do so that time. He treated me over the limit I can take. He is trying to give me so much of fancy imagination that I don’t wish to fell inside so deeply. I am a human with flesh and blood, I have feeling and emotion. Please don’t try to fool me around, playing my thought in your palm. I understand that the responsibility is on both or I better say there is no right go wrong. I admitted I am not so good in handle my emotion as I am cancer, my emotion is heard to say, control by the moon, somehow is true. Brother said I have a very complicated mind, I think things that a lot of others wouldn’t, with lot of imagination, creatively. Am I afraid of fall in love again? At first, I deny, I have to say that I am avoiding myself to fall in love. I thought I simply don’t want it to be happen as I wish I can then belong to everyone, I want to be a everybody love Cheng Yan. I wish I can still hang around with all my buddies like what I am doing now. Feel so free to do anything, no worry. But there are time when you feel really lonely, and you feel so little in the crowd or almost talk to the mirror as you find no one beside you to talk to. You will just decide to leave the solitude theory a side. Luckily I am still standing firmly. Anyway, the previous pain has indeed leaves a scar and without you know, it has made you wiser and more careful in taking the next step. Thus it caused you to afraid too. Invisibly it does. Is not saying that, you are wrong, but being too protective always seems to stop us to catch our true love. I know all the theory just when it comes to reality, we were frightened. Be brave, be tough, sailed to your dream.